Is there anybody out there?

 

 

She was in fact a beautiful little girl, barefoot, perched atop her fathers shoulders with her eyes as wide and open as the moon. He swivled gently from side to side while she smiled waiting for the concert to start. “She’s been wanting to come to a concert her whole life” her father said, half explaining why he had a four year old at an outdoor concert on a Tuesday night. “This is Austin” I replied, “you dont have to explain why you are raising a music lover”. A smile stretched across his face as well as his daughters, its amazing how at times a smile can resemble outstretched arms beckoning for an embrace. “Isn’t she beautiful?” she leaned over and said “I want that, I want to be them” she said looking at the seemingly perfect family. You have to take the moments of pure honesty  as they come  with her, they will quickly be covered up with a joke or a silly comment. It’s as if she feels vulnerable when she is honest, scared when she bears too much.   As though her own words and revelations have been used as ammunition against her by those she has confided in in the past. She allows these personal revelations to come out infrequently and moves past them at such a fast pace at times I wonder if I made them up. She longs to be the one holding her beautful daughter in her arms next to her partner, thanking God for life and all it has afforded her. I wonder if she knows that she can have that, that she will have that as long as she doesnt sell herself short by losing her true self in anothers embrace. As long as she doesnt let the people around her dictate just what is and is not acceptable. It does not always take two halves to make a whole, sometimes we are complete entities all on our own. I watched her that night, affectionate and caring, constantly trying to find a way to touch her partner, let her know she was loved. She recieved nothing in return, a passing glance, an awkward smile but no true look of apprecaitaion. She told me once that she cant say “I love you” this brings up the whole are actions actually better than words?  She may not be able to formulate the words but by her actions it seemed so obvious that her heart has been cast into unknown waters. The problem is that these waters are shallow and will eventually dry out. The family she so admired was comprised of two people and a child who all seemed in it together, there was a true partnership amongst the three, no one was dragging their feet they were all walking together. I dont think she even realizes how one sided the relationship she is in is. I think she has spent too much time making up for others shortcomings, too much time trying to make people live up to the image of them she creates in her mind. Hoping that one day she will get what she deserves, but many people never do get what they deserve will her life be any different?