Forbidden Fruit

I have been stuck these past few days replaying a moment when I let an opportunity, maybe the only opportunity I will ever have with her pass me by. That moment in time will not let go, it will just not release me no matter how much I plead. I saw her sitting there alone that night, I noticed and my fear held me captive and did not allow me to utter a word. She was the first thing I noticed in a room full of chaos, her face expressionless, her eyes lowered, I knew then the connection was powerful….still I did nothing. I simply walked passed her time and time again, each time my breathing becoming more shallow as I thrust my nose high in the air, not giving her so much as a glance. I thought she would feel it, In my puzzle of a mind my lack of action would have spoken to her….it did not. Here I am some time later and I have to wonder can she now feel what she missed that night? I walked by and left her sitting there alone and lonely…. she looked so sad and empty. How could I have not realized then what I may have been giving up by playing it cool? I am trying to stand still  but doing nothing is so much more painful than putting up a fight. Am I really supposed to just sit back and relax when my heart it shattering at a record pace? Am I supposed to force my mind into numbness when it is racing so fiercely I can hardly breathe? I cant spell it out for her, I am just not that honest, not that eloquent, not that poised.  She has a way of rhapsodizing when she speaks, my eyes glaze as she finds beauty in things I hadn’t even noticed.  How did I become a player in this game? I didn’t know the stakes and suddenly here I am amongst a garden full of apples and a floor full of snakes.