Getting through

 It’s an easy theory to understand, if you get burned once you will most likely not repeat the action, if you do surely the result will be exactly the same….or will it? This theory is not only applied literally in the act of getting burned but metaphorically when it comes to love. Burned once scorned for an eternity, how I wish we could all fall in love like we did that first time without jaded eyes and wounded hearts. There is so much to overcome the second and third times around the healing hurts like hell, and the recovery is a demon to overcome. I was cut open and it seemed as if the bleeding would never stop, each drop spelling a letter in the name that has become synonymous with the construction of all my emotional walls. How I wish it was as easy as us going away somewhere where reality took a backseat, where honesty was inevitable and our emotional connection wasn’t judged or feared by not only others but us as well. It scares me to know how often I find you on my mind, it doesn’t make sense but it is a fact. Little else can bring a smile to my face as quickly and effortlessly as your words, your voice, any of you in any capacity.  I feel like you not only listen but you hear, like you not only look but you see.  No matter how much I try nothing changes, my mind still races, yours still questions . As much as I have tried to convince myself that I was far too broken to repair, that the damage had been too great, I know when I look at you  that I am not as broken as I had thought. Ive realized that while my mind may have tried to throw the towel in my heart will simply not allow it. It was not broken but simply frozen for a moment and the warmth I have found in you has started to allow it to thaw out. My heart has been reached, my walls have started to become disassembled and I am diving head first at mach three speed toward the pavement. I cant fight it, the descent is imminent so I must try to enjoy the ride and pray that I don’t hit the pavement shivering and stunned. The fingerprints are still on my body, I cant shake the memory of being tangled in that embrace like two puzzle pieces looking for a home, ”Can you feel my scars?” , Can you see the ones  across my chest where my heart is? They are all over my body like mile markers each bearing a different name and representing a different season. I want to thank you, I want  to know…..Am I getting through?